How to write your wedding vows
Writing your own wedding vows can feel like a lot. One minute you’re brimming with emotion, and the next you’re staring at a blinking cursor thinking, “How do I possibly sum up our entire relationship in two minutes?”
The good news? You don’t need to be a poet. You just need to be real. Here’s a best-practice guide to crafting vows that are heartfelt, personal, and deeply meaningful.
Step 1: The brain dump (#nofilter)
You won’t get the final version on your first go. Grab a notebook or open a blank doc and just start writing. Don’t worry about grammar or flow; just answer these prompts:
What was the exact moment you knew they were "the one"?
What is the one thing they do that makes you feel most loved?
How has your life changed for the better since meeting them?
What are the values you both share (adventure, kindness, resilience)?
Step 2: Use a proven structure
If the blank page is intimidating, use this simple four-part formula to keep your thoughts organised:
The Affirmation: Start with a declaration of your love and why you’re standing there today.
The Reflection: Share a brief memory or a specific quality you admire most in them.
The Promises: This is the core of your vows. (see step 3).
The Final Goal: A closing statement about your future together and a final "I love you."
Step 3: Crafting heartfelt promises
Vows are more than just "sweet nothings", they’re the foundation of your marriage. While it’s tempting to include sappy things or trivial habits, the most impactful vows focus on the big picture of your partnership.
Instead of mundane chores, think about:
Support: "I promise to be your safest harbor and your loudest cheerleader."
Growth: "I promise to support your dreams as if they were my own and to grow alongside you as we evolve."
Resilience: "I promise to choose you every day, especially on the days when life feels heavy."
Partnership: "I promise to always keep our world big, filled with adventure, curiosity, and respect."
Step 4: Keep it short and sweet
You don’t need to write a novel. Aim for about 150 to 250 words. This usually translates to 1–2 minutes of speaking time. This length allows you to be poignant without losing the momentum of the ceremony.
Pro tip: Practice them out loud! Words often look different on a screen than they sound when spoken. If you find yourself tripping over a sentence, simplify it.
Step 5: The finishing touches
Start early and don’t wing it: Your future self will thank you for having these written down.
The vow book: Avoid reading from a phone. A small notebook or a vow card looks much better in photos and becomes a beautiful memento.
The surprise: I usually recommend keeping your vows a secret from each other until the big moment. It makes the emotional payoff so much more authentic.
Step 6: Stuck? I’ve got you.
If you’re still spiraling or just need a second pair of eyes, don’t panic. As your celebrant, helping you find the right words is part of the gig! I can review your drafts to ensure they "match" in tone and length, or just give you that final nudge of confidence.
The one line the law requires
Before the personal stuff, there's exactly one thing you must say. Australian law requires each of you to say words to this effect:
"I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, [your name], take you, [their name], to be my lawful wedded wife / husband / spouse."
That's it. That's the legal vow. Everything else you say is entirely yours, and you can write as much or as little as you like around it.
Wedding vow examples to borrow
Steal these, change them, make them yours.
Short and simple
"I choose you. Today, tomorrow, and every ordinary or exciting day after that. I promise to be honest with you, to be kind when it's hard, and to always tell you when there's something in your teeth."
Warm and traditional
"I take you as you are, and I promise to keep taking you as you become. I'll be your safe place and your loudest cheer. Through whatever comes, I'm staying."
Funny (but still meaning it)
"I promise to always let you have the last slice, to pretend I haven't seen that show so we can watch it together, and to never once say I told you so - out loud. And underneath all that: I'm yours, and I'm not going anywhere."
Specific and personal(the kind that make guests cry)
"You made me tea the morning of my interview without me asking. That's when I knew. I promise to notice you the way you notice me. I promise to keep learning you. And I promise the tea, always."
For a second marriage / blended family
"I'm not promising you a perfect life - we've both been around long enough to know better. I'm promising you my whole attention, a home that always has room, and someone who chooses this, and you, on purpose."
Common vow mistakes (and how to dodge them)
Writing to the room, not to them. Look at your partner, not the guests. The room will feel it.
Going too long. Over two minutes and you'll feel the room shift, however good it is.
Inside jokes nobody else gets. One is charming. Four is a private conversation.
Trying to say everything. You've got a whole marriage for the rest. Pick a few true things.
Promising things you won't do. "I'll always do the dishes" ages badly. Promise what you mean.
Wedding Vows FAQs
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Each of you must say the following legal words: "I call upon the persons here present to witness that I, [name], take you, [name], to be my lawful wedded wife/husband/spouse." Everything else is optional.
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See the examples above - short, traditional, funny, personal and blended-family versions you're welcome to borrow and adapt.
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The most common are writing for the guests instead of your partner, going over two minutes, leaning on inside jokes, and promising things you won't actually do.
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Around 150–250 words each, which is about 1–2 minutes spoken. Long enough to mean it, short enough to hold the room.
Your vows don’t have to be perfect; they just have to be yours. Speak from the heart, and I promise, it will be more than enough.