How to write your wedding vows
Writing your own wedding vows can feel like a lot. One minute you’re brimming with emotion, and the next you’re staring at a blinking cursor thinking, “How do I possibly sum up our entire relationship in two minutes?”
The good news? You don’t need to be a poet. You just need to be real. Here’s a best-practice guide to crafting vows that are heartfelt, personal, and deeply meaningful.
Step 1: The brain dump (#nofilter)
You won’t get the final version on your first go. Grab a notebook or open a blank doc and just start writing. Don’t worry about grammar or flow; just answer these prompts:
What was the exact moment you knew they were "the one"?
What is the one thing they do that makes you feel most loved?
How has your life changed for the better since meeting them?
What are the values you both share (adventure, kindness, resilience)?
Step 2: Use a proven structure
If the blank page is intimidating, use this simple four-part formula to keep your thoughts organised:
The Affirmation: Start with a declaration of your love and why you’re standing there today.
The Reflection: Share a brief memory or a specific quality you admire most in them.
The Promises: This is the core of your vows. (see step 3).
The Final Goal: A closing statement about your future together and a final "I love you."
Step 3: Crafting heartfelt promises
Vows are more than just "sweet nothings", they’re the foundation of your marriage. While it’s tempting to include sappy things or trivial habits, the most impactful vows focus on the big picture of your partnership.
Instead of mundane chores, think about:
Support: "I promise to be your safest harbor and your loudest cheerleader."
Growth: "I promise to support your dreams as if they were my own and to grow alongside you as we evolve."
Resilience: "I promise to choose you every day, especially on the days when life feels heavy."
Partnership: "I promise to always keep our world big, filled with adventure, curiosity, and respect."
Step 4: Keep it short and sweet
You don’t need to write a novel. Aim for about 150 to 250 words. This usually translates to 1–2 minutes of speaking time. This length allows you to be poignant without losing the momentum of the ceremony.
Pro tip: Practice them out loud! Words often look different on a screen than they sound when spoken. If you find yourself tripping over a sentence, simplify it.
Step 5: The finishing touches
Start early and don’t wing it: Your future self will thank you for having these written down.
The vow book: Avoid reading from a phone. A small notebook or a vow card looks much better in photos and becomes a beautiful memento.
The surprise: I usually recommend keeping your vows a secret from each other until the big moment. It makes the emotional payoff so much more authentic.
Step 6: Stuck? I’ve got you.
If you’re still spiraling or just need a second pair of eyes, don’t panic. As your celebrant, helping you find the right words is part of the gig! I can review your drafts to ensure they "match" in tone and length, or just give you that final nudge of confidence.
Your vows don’t have to be perfect; they just have to be yours. Speak from the heart, and I promise, it will be more than enough.